WASHINGTON (ISN) 06 May, 2006 – Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld is reported to have decided to resign a close aide confidentially notified us today.  “For the past few months, Rumsfeld has been taking a lot of flack from retired generals.  But there have been a lot of backroom meetings with active military leaders expressing their lack of confidence in him.”  

Rumsfeld has made no secret about his desire to use selective nuclear strikes against Iran should they fail to comply with U.N. resolutions over their own nuclear program.

“We have been fighting the war on terror for almost five years now.  All of a sudden, these generals think they are the experts on fighting a war,” Rumsfeld reportedly told some of his closes advisors.  “If they were so qualified on fighting wars, how did 9/11 happen?  The harsh facts are they haven’t a clue about how to fight a war and they need a leader like me to make those unpopular, but effective decisions.”

In the past few months, there have been a number of retired generals expressing their concern about the Secretary’s ability to lead the military.  Rumsfeld has, as recently as last week, still defended the theory of WMD in Iraq despite all evidence demonstrating the contrary.

“We must be able to use all the weapons in our power to take out the enemy,” Rumsfeld as defended.  “People don’t understand.  Terrorist don’t ask for a set of rules to play by.  They strike at us with everything they have when they have them.  To limit us to being the good guys and playing by a set of stupid rules is only giving the terrorist the upper hand on us.  Now we have our military leaders not wanting to live up to the very responsibilities they are being paid for.”

“I have had it with these generals,” Rumsfeld has told his advisors.  “If they think they can do a better job, let them.  I’m taking my knowledge and going home.  I don’t need this stress anymore.  And when they fail…and they will fail…don’t expect me to come back and bail them out.”

President Bush commented on Rumsfeld’s possible dismissal.  “I don’t see Don as a quitter.  But, if he decides he has nothing else positive to add to this administration, I will fully accept his resignation.  Don has been the best Secretary of Defense I have had.”

When asked about a possible successor, Bush said, “We have kicked around the idea of dual-hatting Dick Cheney.  After all, he was the Secretary of Defense under another great President.  I think if we sell it to Congress as a money saving decision, they will buy off on it.  I mean, let’s be honest.  The job of Vice President isn’t the most demanding in the world.  All you have to do is sit around and wait for the President to die off, or do nothing.  So I see Dick with a lot a free time on his hands that he could use constructively as our new Secretary of Defense.”

It is reported that Rumsfeld will make his announcement next Tuesday when he is scheduled to address a group of Veterans of Foreign Wars.  “They are the only friends that understand my way of thinking,” Rumsfeld confessed.